you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
