Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
