I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
