I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
