Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
