3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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