Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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