My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
