Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize