she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
