yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
