2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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