ya dads aren't the best wingmen
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
