Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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