I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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