My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
