What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
