I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
