We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
