Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
