Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
