Kiss
Puke
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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