I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
jump out the window naked night went bad
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
