do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
