I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
