i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
