i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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