Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
