Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
