I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
