Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
