there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
