I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
