he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
