I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
