i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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