You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize