He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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