I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
