I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
