think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
