Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
