is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
