Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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