my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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