The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
