You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
