Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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