White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
