are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
