you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize