I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
