Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
