Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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