morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
