I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
