i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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