I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she smelled like a LAN party
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
