Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
