Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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