Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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