I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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