tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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