false alarm. still invincible.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
