We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
