If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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