Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
