Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
