I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
