brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
