i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
